Book Review: True Confessions of an Ambivalent Caregiver by Cindy Eastman

True Confessions of an Ambivalent Caregiver by Cindy Eastman
Publisher: She Writes Press
Publication Date: September 17, 2024
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Publisher’s Description:

At first grateful to be able remodel the dining room of her family’s modest home in Connecticut to accommodate her eighty-six-year-old father for what everyone felt would be a short duration of care, Cindy Eastman ultimately experienced a whole gamut of feelings over the course of what turned out to be four years of caring for her dying dad. Caregiving impacts everyone, and this account—told in essays recorded before, during, and after the time Eastman’s father was with her—details that impact, not just on the primary caregiver but also the rest of the family.

One of the reasons Eastman committed to writing down her experiences was because she predicted that once her dad died, there would be a tendency to soften or even deny any of the negative and challenging times—and there were many. As of 2020, more than 53 million adults provide homecare in this country, and the reality of that arrangement is different for every family. It is not, as some might suggest, a “noble gesture” but rather an elegant conflict—an intricate reassembling of the family dynamic that many people don’t ever see coming. In these candid, often poignant essays, Cindy Eastman brings all the emotions of taking on the challenging responsibility of caregiving a parent at the end of their life to the surface.

When Cindy Eastman decided to care for her dying father in her home, she thought he only had a few months to live. He ended up living for four years in her home before he died. Not only was he diabetic and legally blind, but he also had dementia that got worse over time.

True Confessions of an Ambivalent Caregiver is a series of essays that Cindy Eastman wrote at varying points during those four years. She wrote them while she was in the midst of caring for her father because as she says, “I might not be as open and honest about recording them through the lens of loss and grief.” Because of that, this book is likea journal of what she was going through.

Being a full-time caregiver is hard and often thankless, as is clear in Eastman’s essays. It became her full-time job. She was overwhelmed and stressed out a lot of the time and she’s very honest about her thoughts toward her father and being a caregiver in general. I think this book would be great for someone who is a caregiver and is feeling frustrated and alone. The essays are short so it’s perfect for a caregiver, who probably doesn’t have much time to read, to read an essay or two at a time. It’s also good for someone who is friends with a caregiver to gain insight into what their friend is going through.

(I received a complimentary copy of this book for review.)