Kids Say (And Do) The Darndest Things

West, earlier this morning: “Please, please tell me if you got Cash a keytar for his birthday.”
Me: “If I tell you, and you ruin the surprise for Cash, you will be in the worst trouble you’ve ever been in in your life.”
West: “Okay, I don’t want to know.”

*****

Me, to Cash: You know what I mean?
Cash: You didn’t say jelly bean. Are you losing your motherlyness?

*****

Cash: In West’s imaginary pirate ship of life, he is going against the flow.

*****

Cash: Mommy, I’m going to call your chest privates BIBs for built in bottles.

*****

“The jig is up Neve.”
“No, Mommy, the jig is CLOSED.”

*****

Cash: “No one raps with an original piano, only keytars. Original pianos are for sad songs and Western saloons.”

*****

Cash hands me the first fundraiser of the school year. “Ugh, I hate fundraisers.”
“Mommy, you are a member of the PTA, you are supposed to LOVE fundraisers.”

*****

“Cash, here’s a napkin.” Cash takes napkin, wipes mouth on shirt while holding napkin.