Kids Say (and Do) the Darndest Things

West left a note on my bedside table while I was taking a nap. It said, “I love you so much I could marry you.”

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West really wants a pocket knife so I told him that if he could go a week without hitting, kicking, or biting Cash that I would buy him one. He said he’ll just get one when he turns 18 and moves out.

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West: We should pay people to be our servants and bring us snacks while we lay on the couch. I want a robot servant for Christmas.

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West: I have 3,000 spaces in my brain for photos or video.

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West: Daddy, how many tons do you weigh?

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Mommy, have you heard of a time toilet?
Cash, quit talking about gross stuff.
Actually Mommy, it’s awesome because you travel either forward or backward in time when you go potty in it.

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Cash, can you ask your teacher to send home another copy of that note? I can’t find the first one you brought home.
Mommy, if I ask her that, she’s going to think you’re a crazy person.

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Cash, running into hall above living room, “Mommy, I can’t sleep.” Me: “Have you tried closing your eyes?” Cash, “No”, runs back into bed.

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Cash: I want to watch the debate.
Me: You can watch it tomorrow; I’m taping it.
Cash: You’re whating it? What does taping mean?
Me: *feels very old*